The Poop Stall

Ok - So, if you work in an office setting you know that there is always an unspoken poop stall where everyone goes when they need to, well, poop.  I don't guess this is the case in the men's bathroom because there are urinals and I suppose that unless you have a deformity or are gun shy, most men just use the urinals so anytime they are in the stalls they are pooping - so all the stalls in the men's restroom are poop stalls.  Well, anyway, in the women's bathroom there is a poop stall.  It is typically the one in the back (almost always the handicapped stall - no reason that I know of for that) and always has a spray can of deodorizer in the corner.  The only reason I bring this up is because I do from time to time visit the poop stall at work.  When I was a lot younger I was shy about pooping anywhere but in my own bathroom, but nowadays I am just so happy to be having a poop that I just let the chips fall where they may - and at work it's in the poop stall (I won't even go into what happens if someone is already in the poop stall - OR God forbid someone is not pooping in the poop stall - most women know that's not cool.  We might make an exception for a handicapped person, but that's it).  So, for some reason, every time I visit the poop stall at this current office the janitor lady comes in to clean the bathroom, change the toilet paper, empty the trash, etc.  At every other office I have been in, the janitor lady will just skip your stall and move on to the next bathroom.  Not this janitor lady.  She will do all the other stalls and then stand by the sink until you are finished.  I really take issue with this.  I have, on several occasions, almost shouted out to her "I'm gonna be a minute. You might want to go grab a coffee or something."  Or I feel like saying, "I will tidy up in here when I am finished, just toss me over a couple rolls of toilet paper and I will restock, take care now."  But she just stands there.  Women are weird (not me though) about poop and typically don't like talking about it (not me obviously, and oddly not the Ladies of Conference the Conference Room - we talk about poop all the time in Conference Room C - Juniata even wrote a paper in college on taking a satisfying shit (I am TOTALLY not making that up) - she got an A+).  So when I have been in the poop stall for what seems like ages to me and then I exit the poop stall to constantly find the janitor lady propped up against the sinks waiting with her supplies in hand I feel a bit awkward.  She always says "Hi, how are you today?" - What do you say to that???  "Fine now" or "I could have used a few more minutes."  But I just say "fine, and you.?"  Never do I say "You might want to wait a few minutes before going in" because she has been in the bathroom with me the whole time.  If she wasn't deterred before she wouldn't be now.  I tried to alter my "sitting" time to see if I could avoid her, but it seems that no matter when I go - there she is.  I will be in the poop stall and hear the door open and hear bags rattling and keys rattling and I know it's her.  The Ladies of the Conference Room think it's funny.  One day I am going to stay in there until she gives up.  I work by the hour now so that's a risky proposition, but I feel like it has to be done.

Anyway, we are at a transition stage at work right now waiting on some more files to review so I have a bit of free time.  I know that you are terrified that I found out I can access my blog at work and now you think I am going to be blogging all day long.  I don't think I will, but it's too soon to promise anything.  Once we get our new batch of files I will be otherwise occupied.  So, don't start worrying just yet.

Chat with you later

Oh, for the Twilight lovers - check out the following - it is a blog post from that hilarious blog chick I told you about.  I am seriously in love with her. She curses a lot in her blogs so if that is an issue for you, don't read her blogs.  I suspect most folks who follow my blogs are ok with a bit of profanity.  Enjoy:

http://thebloggess.com/2011/11/its-like-a-hoodie-but-with-fangs/

Thoughts and Prayers for the Fishing Community of Union Hall, Ireland

I know, I know, you don't know what to do with yourselves with three blogs in the span of two days, but one, I figured out that I can actually access the blog on my work computer (probably not a good realization) and two, I couldn't let the news set forth in this post go unmentioned - especially since so many of you followed my adventures in Union Hall, Ireland this past Spring and Summer. 

I learned today from my friend in Ireland that a terrible tragedy has occurred with one of the Union Hall fishing boats/crews. The tragedy has hit the village very hard.  Union Hall definitely holds a place in my heart and my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected.  Here is a bit on what has happened:

CORK, Ireland -- There are growing concerns for five people who went missing after a trawler capsized off the west Cork coast. Authorities rescued a survivor near Union Hall harbor, where the Tit Bonhomme was believed to have hit rocks on Sunday morning. The 69-feet Irish-registered fishing vessel was moving into shore when it encountered difficulties beside the Adam and Eve islands. The ship's crew made a distress call to the coastguard at around 6 a.m., but it was cut off and all radio contact was lost. Coastguard choppers from Shannon and Waterford were dispatched to the scene, along with lifeboats from Baltimore and Courtmacsherry. The lone survivor, an Egyptian national, was pulled from the sea at around 8 a.m. and has been transported to Cork University hospital. According to Vincent O'Donovan of Courtmacsherry lifeboat station, the Tit Bonhomme took a pounding in the rough waters. The lifeboat deployed shortly after 6 a.m. spotted debris in the water close to the mouth of Union Hall harbor about an hour and a half later. Preliminary reports suggested that two more survivors managed to make it on to the rocks, but confusion remains, and the coastguard stated that five people were still missing.

Here are a few related links:

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/republic-of-ireland/irish-trawler-tragedy-sparks-massive-search-off-cork-coast-16104259.html

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/republic-of-ireland/cork-trawler-tragedy-we-lost-the-people-we-dont-want-to-lose-the-bodies-as-well-16104552.html

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/republic-of-ireland/cork-trawler-tragedy-ships-crew-trapped-in-wreck-says-father-as-search-goes-on-16105109.html

Sorry to go from big metal chickens to boat tragedies, but that's how life unfolds sometimes.

See ya,
Amy O'Sullilvan

The Bloggess

Quick post - if you want to read (follow) a FUNNY AS HELL blog, then check out the following link:

http://thebloggess.com/

I would also like to point out a few specific posts that really had me laughing:

The first two are really just for Mom and Olivia (or any other Dr. Who watcher):  http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/these-are-just-two-of-my-favorite-things/

and this one: http://thebloggess.com/2011/12/watching-doctor-who-is-like-learning-a-strange-new-language-you-cant-stop-speaking/

This one is the first one I ever read from this chick (Contractor Clare told me about it) and made me a believer in this bloggers awsomeness:  http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

She is an actual writer - has books and writes for a paper or magazine or something so she is legit and freaking hilarious!!!

The old blogs are in a dropdown "Archives" and you have to Choose a Month - I just click through them all and laugh.  Enjoy!!!

Much Ado About Nothing; A Trip to the Lou and a Visitor from Ireland

OK ok ok, it’s been a few days since my last blog.  I have been busy (well, maybe “busy” is a strong word, “otherwise occupied” might be a better description).  I have a lot of things I really want to blog about, but I am too pooped to pen so I am going to touch on some of the highlights of the past couple weeks and then come back for more over the weekend.  Here goes:

EATING TO LIVE:  Well, this past weekend I visited Stacey in St. Louis (or “the Lou”) (yes , fellow dieter Stacey) and instead of eating to live we lived for eating!!!!  I WAS ON VACATION – sue me!!!  We didn’t go totally hog wild, we just went off diet for a few days.  The first night we went “off diet” we went to a lovely wine bar called Robust and had a cheese plate and a flight of wine each.  The cheese plate came with little crispy buttery bread pieces and you would think they just placed a bucket of slop in front of a pig.  We were in hog heaven.  The sounds coming from our table as we bit into those buttery bits could have been considered obscene.  I think the people sitting next to us asked for a different table (just kidding).  Anyway, we were really celebrating my 40^th which is coming right up so everyone knows that you can eat whatever you want during your birthday celebrations!!!  We took full advantage of that rule.  

FITNESS:  The only fitness I have done since the past blog is a bit of mall walking with Stacey in St. Louis.  We were obviously feeling guilty since we were eating unauthorized meat and cheese (to say nothing of the cupcakes) so we decided to go burn a few calories in one of the formerly trendy now turned artsy and mall-walky malls in her neighborhood.  We can promise you that we walked faster than the dude with the walker!!!  I still have my Groupon for 5 “Spoga” (20 min. cycling and 20 yoga) classes burning a hole in my pocket.  So far I am 0 and 5 (that was a sports reference and I don’t really do sports so hopefully what I just conveyed is that I have a total of 5 classes at my disposal – none of which I have attended).

TRIAL:  Remember that trial I was dreading back in November (well, further back than that really, but as far as this blog is concerned I started bitching about it back in November).  Well it kept getting postponed and as I often do, I worked myself up into a tither about this stupid trial – picturing all the horrible questions they could ask me about the foreclosure I conducted two years ago to make me look like a fool.  Well, it finally happened last week.  My lawyer went with me (junior lawyer from my former firm).  I entered the tiny courthouse in Forsyth county and marched myself through the metal detector.  It beeped.  I said, “it’s probably the shoes, women’s shoes often have metal in them.”  The gomer pyle looking police officer said “Yeah, maybe take them off and put them through the scanner.”  So I did as he asked and then I walked back through the metal detector.  It beeped.  I said “I think more ‘intimate things’ are involved.”  I was hoping he didn’t think I meant piercings, but it was too late to say it any other way.  He just giggled a bit (it sounded something like uhhu uhhu) and said “underwire”  - to which I responded “yep” glad that he went where I had intended to take him.  They swung the hand held scanner over me and sent me and my underwire on our way.   I had to wait about 2 hours to testify, but when I finally got on the stand I was off again in 10 minutes.  Thankfully it was all much ado about nothing really. Happy to have that behind me. 

ICE MACHINE AT WORK:  Today Clare spotted a worker-man fixing the ice machine at work.  Holy halleluiah PRAISE GAWD!!   I live in the USA people!!  I should have round-the-clock access to ice.  I’m sure it says that in the Constitution somewhere.

VISITOR FROM IRELAND:  My friend Carol Noonan from Skibbereen, County Cork, Ireland who runs “The Coffee Shop” in Union Hall has been in Atlanta for the past week visiting her brother.  I drove out to her brother’s house this evening and scooped up Carol and her Mum for dinner.  We had a very tasty dinner at Two Urban Licks (off diet obviously – I am as full as a tick!!).  Her mother ordered “The Big Ass Burger” on the menu, but when she ordered it she simply said “I’ll have the burger.”  I said “Oh no Mom, that’s not what it’s called” and she said “Sorry, I’ll have the Big Ass Burger.” She ate every last morsel of that Big Ass Burger!!   It made my night.  Carol made me a knitted necklace for my birthday!!!  It is adorable.  She asked me how I was coming along with the scarf I started knitting in Union Hall.  I haven’t touched it since returning.  I learned to knit in Union Hall and all of my friends there did a bit of the scarf while I was working on it.  I am totally shamed by the fact that I haven’t finished it!!!  There is simply no excuse.  I should add “finishing my scarf” to the list of things I look forward to in 2012.  All my friends are responsible for holding me accountable.  I simply cannot let that scarf sit unfinished. 

This was a short – not very witty blog, but I didn’t want to abandon the blog for too long.  I’ll write more later!! 2012 is a great year so far!!  I know it’s just going to get better and better.

Carol and her Mum

Ciao for now

Me and Carol





Knitted necklace made by Carol

 



St. Louis Crew



Birthday Cupcakes in St. Lou

Crossing Over to Healthy and Holla at Your B-O-Y

Happy New Year!!!

Well, we’ve said “so long then” to 2011 and an optimistic “hello there” to 2012.  I can’t believe it is 2012 – time keeps on flying by before my very eyes!!!!!  It’s time to slow things down a bit – savor the good parts – appreciate loved ones and exciting opportunities.  In less than a month I will be 40!!!!  In a little over two months it will be a year since I quit my big law job on the search for something new.  Still looking – in case you were wondering.  If you will indulge me, I would like to take a quick mo to mention a few things I am grateful for from 2011 and a few I am looking forward to in 2012.

2011 - I am GRATEFUL. . . .

1.     for absolutely fabulous family and friends during my “decision making phase” prior to resigning from big law in March - who supported me and encouraged me to have faith in myself and to stop at nothing in my pursuit for happiness and peace – thanks everyone!

2.     that I actually had the guts to recognize that while on paper my big law career looked ideal, it was standing in the way of my happiness AND that I actually did something about it rather just keep complaining!  Yay me!!

3.     for three AMAZING months in Union Hall, County Cork, Ireland – the time was too short, but I can go visit my new friends whenever I want (friends who I am also very very grateful for).

4.     that Earl the cat enjoyed summering in Asheville, NC while I was in Ireland and that my parents were happy to have him while he was there (well, mostly).  Thanks Mom & Dad!

5.     for having a friend (i.e. Deborah – trail name “Pickle”) who was also leaving her law job to go on a life adventure of her own to hike the Appalachian Trail – Being able to read her blog and share in her excitement was amazing and it was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in my spontaneity – It looks less crazy if other people are also doing it – thanks for being my leave-your-job-and-go-on-an-amazing-adventure friend Pickle!

6.     that my 90 year old Grandmother is now in a safe retirement home, where she is loved and cared for every day – and while a retirement home is never where you hope to end up, it is sometimes the best or only option – I am grateful that there is a place named Madison Manor with its wonderful staff and facilities!

7.     for discovering blogging! – both in Ireland and now – I can’t tell you how much I enjoy it and how it motivates me to do new and exciting things – or to just be creative as I try to relay a funny story – I am grateful both for the joy of doing it and that there are folks who actually enjoy reading the blog(s).

8.     for “Conference Room C” and the “Ladies of the Conference Room” – It has been so fun getting to know them and having this time to make a decent paycheck while not having to stress about my job every waking minute of the day and night.

Things I am looking forward to in 2012:

1.     Becoming 40 – ah hell, I just have to embrace it!!!!!

2.     Continuing education classes with Mel at Emory and Callanwolde Fine Arts Center – first up, Living the Life You Love, starting February 7^th – up next, maybe a dance class, a cooking class, a photography class – who knows – wait and see!!

3.     More adventures in contract land – which will undoubtedly produce more exciting blog posts.

4.     Moving beyond contract land, if that’s what I choose, to follow a new path, whether that be looking more into having a folkart shop / coffee shop of my own or otherwise . . . wait and see!!

5.     Getting my new tattoo – some more of my Mom’s artwork – it is my 40^th Birthday present to myself!!!  What will it look like???  Wait and see!!

6.     Possibly selling my condo and finding a cute and cozy apartment to rent for a while – the goal being to continue to reduce my spending.

7.     Success with our Eating to Live program (new motto Eat to Live or Die Trying) – Developing new healthy habits and taking some weight off!!

That’s just a taste of what’s to come in 2012. I suspect more and more will happen (some good, some bad).  Can’t wait to see!!!!

EAT TO LIVE UPDATE:

Mel, Stacey and I have completed our first week of vegan / healthy living. I had a series of “last chance meals” in the days before crossing over into the land of healthy living – I ate loads and loads of tasty bits from Taquera del Sol, Figo, Java Jive, La Fonda (all of my favorite restaurants) – and topped it all off with some Krispy Kreme!!!  Saturday morning (Dec. 31st) I actually went first through the Krispy Kreme drive-thru for 2 hot glazed donuts and then went to Burger King drive-thru for an egg and cheese croissant.  I said to the drive-thru lady “Don’t be alarmed, but I have already been to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru, but tomorrow marks a new year!”  She chuckled a bit and then said to me, in a very serious voice “OK, you’re right, it’s the end of the year, so you can do that, but come Monday we’re gonna have a problem.”  Ah, getting called out by the Burger King lady – a new low point for me.  But never fear!!!  A week gone and we are successfully living the vegan life.  We take time each day to send pictures of our meals or to just ask for support from each other – or complain that if we eat another raw vegetable we may die.  As I sit here typing this blog I sent a message out to my fellow dieters that I was joansing for a snack.  Stacey actually suggested brussel sprouts.  I think it is safe to say that no matter how serous I get about this diet – no matter how many good habits I create (and I hope there are many) I will never, I repeat never, view brussel sprouts as a snack.  Anyway, I joke, but it has been great having Mel and Stacey a text or call away.  Knowing that we are in this together makes it much more bearable!  Mel and I got together last Monday and cooked up a whole mess of vegan delights which we ate throughout the week.  The Ladies of the Conference are also being very supportive and even forwent ordering pizza on Friday because they knew it would have been torture for me to have pizza in the room.  One negative side effect of eating all this roughage . . . . . .well, I’m sure you can figure it out.  Needleless to say, it’s been a bit windy in Atlanta and St. Louis lately. 

The News from "Conference Room C":

·       Our new administrative assistant friend visited again on Friday (we still haven’t had the heart to tell her we are lawyers) and informed us that she was planning on riding her mare this weekend if her arthritis isn’t acting up.  She said the mare is the sweetest horse to ride, but lately she has been a bit unpredictable.  You see, typically when her mare is “in season” she usually gives the studs in the yard a good growl and mean look to scare them off (I guess she has had a headache most times), but this last time she turned into a “total huzzie” according to the AA and was prancing all around trying to get noticed, and when they went to put the stud away the mare reared up and nearly knocked the AA off her back.  She said she’s too old to get thrown off a horse.  I tend to agree with that.

·       Juniata continues to have exciting encounters on the MARTA train on her way to work in the morning.  Apparently there is a young entrepreneur who sells bootleg movies to the passengers several days a week.  He has the movies with him and a DVD player on hand to prove good quality.  He comes walking down the aisles displaying the movies while chanting “Holla at your boy.  Holla at your B-O-Y (this he spells out).”  She is going to try and record him saying this so we can hear it.  It makes us chuckle.  We use every opportunity to use the phrase in Conference Room C nowadays.  If someone wants the hand sanitizer passed their way, or a tissue passed over, whenever – We just say “Holla at your boy.  Holler at your B-O-Y.”  It’s a very versatile phrase.  We are working our way up to answering the phone with this phrase when independent counsel calls us.

·       The ice machine is broken at work.  I have started bringing my own ice in my big Bubba Keg insulated mug.  If you know me well – you know I must have ice.  I thought it was fixed the other day so I left my mug at work only to find that it had still not been fixed.  I ended up having to use the ice in the freezer, which had likely been in there since 1999 because it tasted like everything that had ever been in the refrigerator and freezer – and gone bad.  I suffered through it because nasty freezer burnt old food tasting ice is better than no ice - at least in my world.  It tainted my whole day though.  I will not forget to bring ice on Monday.

I went for an hour and a half walk in Grant Park Saturday while Lawrence ran ten miles.  We went fairly early – round 10:00am.  It was a much better time to walk in the park – folk were all out and about walking and running, the weather was pushing 70 degrees, everyone was smiling and saying hello as they passed (reminded me of Ireland a bit).  They were having Christmas Tree Mulching day in the park so everyone was bringing in their tree – some on the top of their car, some dragging them from their houses close by or pulling them in red wagons.  The whole area smelled like Christmas Trees.  It was quite lovely. 

This was a lengthy catch up – hope I didn’t lose anyone.  Have a great week and I’ll chat with you later.  Holla at your boy.  Holla at your B-O-Y!

Me at Whole Foods becoming one with the
fresh vegetables and fruits.  Don't I
look excited!!!!  Mmmmmhmmm.

Vegetable / Pasta Free Lasagna Mel and I made

 
 

Black Eyed Pea & Greens Soup
Diane tried to take my "sista" card
away for mixing up my greens
and peas, but now that she knows it was
really tasty she has withdrawn the threat



Bean Enchiladas Mel and I made!   
Yummy Yummy Yummy!!
                                                                                                            





Unexpected Visitor and Eating to Live

Hiya –

I hope everyone had a swell swell – stress free Christmakkah.  I spent a considerable amount of time reading, eating, hanging with family and trying to download the three Twilight soundtracks to my iTunes library – and not necessarily in that order of priority.  Earl the cat stayed at the condo in Atlanta and was generally glad to see me come home on Monday.

I left to head home to Asheville last Thursday afternoon, but not before Conference Room C had an unexpected visitor.  We do have regular (if not odd) visits from our supervising attorney and the rare visit from the general counsel of the company (go team, job well done, and all that).  About mid-day one of the administrative assistants heard us laughing and decided to come in for a visit. She stayed and visited with us for a little over 20 minutes.  She apparently joined the company around the same time I started contracting there – about four months ago.  For 10 minutes she explained to us all the ailments she has had since joining the company, including, but not limited to, problems caused by her “weak capillaries” (her words, not mine) such as burst blood vessels in her eyes, causing blurry vision and dizziness, sore ankle due to her horseback riding, broken tooth (leading to decay and inevitable root canal) and bronchitis.  It is very possible I missed something, but I think you get the point.  She is a veritable smorgasbord of infirmities.  For the remaining 10 minutes of her visit she talked about all the law firms she has worked at over the years (I would guess her age to be between 55 and 60) and how absolutely horrible the lawyers have been – I believe she specifically said “lawyers are all liars and cheats – every single one.”  She then verbally paraphrased a 10 page letter she wrote to the office manager upon her departure from one of her former firms.  Her last words to us before returning to her desk were “the jokes about lawyers are all true.”  On her way out she chuckled, coughed and then wished us a Merry Christmas.  When she was safely around the corner and out of earshot, I turned to Juniata and Tanya (Clare was already off enjoying her holiday) and said “She doesn’t know we are lawyers, does she?”  They said, in stereo “apparently not” and we had a good craic (Gaelic – sort of means fun) laughing about it before burying our heads back in our computers.

OK – now to the important stuff.  In my previous blog I mentioned a “weight loss competition” that started and then fizzled out.  Well, my fellow competitors, namely Stacey Thompson and Mel Beam, and I ARE NOT GIVING UP.  We have decided to take our health seriously.  We are obviously not getting any younger and it is time to take action.  I think I mentioned several blogs ago that I have, over the years, purchased all kinds of exercise equipment and videos – only to pile such items up in the cupboard unused.  Similarly, Mel has purchased, read and then forgotten about untold numbers of diet and “living healthy” books.  Her latest purchase, Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s “Eat to Live” book is about to get used!!!  Starting at the first of the year Stacey, Mel and I are going to start implementing a healthy weight loss program that we hope will bring lasting results!!!  We are going to work together and support each other along the way.  If you want to join us, grab a copy of the book and give me a shout out.  We will include you in our support system.  The basic idea is to completely cut out (at first) all animal products (vegan baby) and then ultimately significantly reduce our intake of animal products so that they are a minimal percentage of our overall nutrition.  Giving up meat will not be difficult for me.  For over ten years now I have been meat free except fish (except for a few months in law school when I went back to eating birds – but the birds ended up being fried birds, so I quickly went back to just fish).  However, not eating cheese and other dairy products will be a little bit trickier.  I loves me some cheese.   One might say I hanker for a hunk of, slab or slice or chunk of - I hanker for a hunk of cheese.  BUT, I am up for the challenge.  I am excited about sharing it with Stacey and Mel and whoever else wants to join in and I am excited about being healthy when I turn 40.  Mel and I have already made plans to get together once a week to cook up our vegan dishes for the week.  We will cook enough for the next week, freeze it up and then enjoy!  For the first six weeks we will pretty much be eating fruit and raw and cooked vegetables.  It’s gonna be a challenging six weeks and should produce some interesting blog posts!!!  Wish us luck!!!

In the right corner we have...
"Ain't Nothin' but Mean" (soon to be lean) MELISSA BEAM!!



In the left corner we have . . .
"Gotta B Grim" (soon to be trim) STACEY THOMPSON!!

And in a completely different corner altogether we have . . .
"Hell 2B Dealt" (soon to be svelte) AMY SULLIVAN!!

Check out “Forks Over Knives” on Amazon.com if you have a spare hour and a half.  It’s a great video that addresses the benefits of cutting out animal products.  Just put “Forks Over Knives” in the search function and you can rent it for $3.99 or something like that and watch it on your computer.

I hope you all have a fun and safe New Year’s Eve!!!!!  Great things are going to happen in 2012.  I just know it!!!!!  Clean your house and eat your greens and black eyed peas. 

Ciao for now!

In a Nutshell

Well, hey!!  It’s been a while since my last post (over 3 weeks).  Either you have missed me terribly or you were hoping I had disappeared for good (don’t tell me which).  I suspect the posts will continue to be a bit sporadic during the holidays, but I will try my best to keep you updated.  A lot of little things have happened over the past few weeks – rather than belabor each point, I have decided to give you a bullet point update and then leave you be until after the holidays:

·      Thanksgiving:  We, the Ladies of the Conference Room, all showed up for work one day to find a flyer taped to the bathroom door and in various public and open places around the office in which we work.  It basically said “come one come all to our office Thanksgiving feast where we will share fellowship and good food”  We’re not stupid now, we understand that “come one come all” doesn’t necessarily include the “Ladies of Conference Room C.”  So we decided to lay low and see if anyone mentioned it directly to us.  We had already decided that, even if invited, we would likely thank them kindly and eat our sack lunches in the protective shelter of Conference Room C.  But we were thinking it would at least be nice to be invited. We weren’t.  A day later our supervisor came by “C Side” (much like West Side, but in Conference Room “C”) and Tanya was hell bent on bringing it up somehow.  I’m not sure at this point how she managed to find her opening, but it generally went down like this (the rest of us holding our breath) Tanya: “yeah, it was pretty quiet on the hall the other day, I guess everyone was at that luncheon.”  Supervisor (hanging head – never thinking we would actually bring it up, but this isn’t the first time she has met us – soft spoken and genteel we are not): “Iiiiiiiii know.  I asked if I could invite my contract workers and was told No - that it was only for employees.”  We all just kind of looked at her and let that statement marinate in the room a bit (letting the true spirit of Thanksgiving swirl around the room and then quickly escape through the air vents).  So I looked at her and said, “That’s OK, Counsel on Call (that’s who we contract with) is having a three hour seminar next week and Holiday luncheon – we plan on going to that.”  We had been, up until this very moment, reluctant to say that we would all be absent for half a day to attend the seminar/luncheon.  She (1) appreciated that I had broken the silence and (2) jumped all over how wonderful that luncheon would be and for us to have a great time.  Problem solved. 

      My own personal Thanksgiving with the family at Knotty Pines in Mentone Alabama was loads of fun!!

·     The Contest:  A week and a half ago I was uber excited to tell you about a weight loss contest I had going with two of my dear dear friends (who are members of this blog).  However, that contest lasted about as long as a cat on a highway.  I’ll let you know later whether or not it is dead or just on life support.  Stay tuned.

·       Cookie Thief:  So, Tanya went to a client meeting one day and the client had a box of Fudge Covered Ritz Crackers – Limited Edition.  She found them so delicious that she simply HAD to bring a box with her back to Conference Room C.  She went to 5 different Publix grocery stores before she found them (apparently they are only in the suburbs – us townies are not refined enough for the chocolaty Ritz I guess).  Anyway, we savored them the day she brought them in and then closed them up and left them neatly in the middle of the table so we could eat the rest later.  When we came in the next day the box was open, the actual cracker tray pulled out and an entire row of fudgelicous crackers gone!  The evidence was in front of my designated seat as if the perp had taken a load off in my chair, gobbled down the crackers and then, almost about to be discovered, had to rush out without hiding the evidence.  Now, I assure you, had the cracker box not been found in such a state we would have been none the wiser.  We would have assumed we ate them and gone on eating from the box not knowing we had just consumed stranger cooties.  We hatched a plan to put this fudge snacking (sorry – couldn’t help myself) thief in his/her place.  We typed up, in big bold letters, a note that said “TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. THANK YOU FOR EATING OUR COOKIES.  YOU MIGHT AS WELL FINISH THEM OFF.”  We put the note inside the box (so you would see it if you pulled the crackers out) and closed the box.  We placed the box just so on the table – in a place we would remember and propped a highlighter on the box so we would know if it moved.  When we got in the next day, the box had clearly been moved, the cracker tray had clearly been pulled out and then shoved back in with the note, but no more crackers had been eaten.  I guess we showed them who the boss was of Conference Room C!

·       Evil Jello:  Ok, I’ve mentioned our supervising attorney.  We actually really like her.  She was a contract worker with Counsel on Call before she got her current job – so we consider her to be one of us.  She does, however, have a couple of peccadillos that fly all over the Ladies of Conference Room C.  Firstly, and it should be mentioned that she is no more than a size 4, she is absolutely obsessed with calories and has not once entered Conference Room C without mentioning something negative about food – and the comment is usually focused on something we are eating or have offered her.  We have stopped offering stuff, which is too bad for her because Clare is quite the baker and brings in the yummiest things!  She came in for a visit the other day and I was eating a Jello out of my lunchbox.  She said “What are you eating.”  I said “Jello – it’s cheesecake flavored.”  To which she responded “Oh, it’s Evil Jello.” “No” I said, “it’s not evil.  It’s just Jello.”  Secondly, she is a bathroom talker.  I personally am not offended by this habit, but Juniata HATES it.  She talks at you through the stall while peeing.  I have dubbed it “trickle talk.”  She will go days without visiting Conference Room C and then someone will get caught in the bathroom with her for a trickle talk update.  Tanya suggested that Juniata let some gas rip – maybe that would dissuade her from making conversation.  Might work.

·       China:  The other evening Tanya’s son (he is 8) was doing his homework.   She noticed that he was more focused than usual.  Out of the blue – with no particular emotion – he said to Tanya “Mom, I am going to work really hard in school so China won’t take over.”  Out of the mouths of babes. 

·       Plenty of Fish:  Did I tell you that I signed on for the free dating site Plenty of Fish?  I think I did.  Anyway, I really don’t do anything with it.  It is funny to look on and see who “wants to meet me” or if someone has actually sent me a message in my inbox.  If someone says they “want to meet me” they don’t actually send a personal message – so I typically ignore those requests.  Only a handful of men have actually sent me personal messages.  Two of those men were below the age of 25.  Really?  I don’t think so.  One of the messages was “Hi, love the smile” – cute message, but he looked like an infant.  The other message was “Hey, what’s up.  Wanna get into something?”  Again, really?  I almost responded “something like what?”, but I just let it go.  I suspect the answer would have been “my pants.”  The other few were like in their 60s.  Really? Really? Really?  It’s either one extreme or the other.  Anyway, we use the website to amuse ourselves during the day when we need a break, but today’s “meet me” took the cake.  I look at the picture of the dude and think – hey, he actually looks pretty good, he’s not 22 years old or 60, he is not holding a gun or standing in front of his bathroom mirror with his shirt off.  So I scrolled down to see what he does for a living – personal trainer – ehhh, usually I shy away from those because they typically expect their date to be a fitness freak, but he asked to meet me so I kept scrolling.  I finally get to the part  of his profile where he tells you about himself and it begins as follows:  “TIRED OF ONE SIZE FITS ALL WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAMS THAT DO NOTHING FOR YOU OR YOUR SELF ESTEEM? IF SO, IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO TRY IN HOME PERSONAL TRAINING WITH ME.” I’ll tell you what does nothing for my self-esteem guy, having you cruise the site for chunky girls, luring them in with hopes of a date only to bust out the “I DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU – I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT.”  How about you go !@#$% yourself!!!

And that was my last few weeks – in a nutshell.  I am too tired from searching the big box retail stores for a Star Wars boys bathrobe -So I am not going to proof this blog – just ignore any goofs.  I hope you have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Festivus or Christmakkah (like me!).  Love y’all.