It's Not My Birthday Anymore and the Disbanding of the Ladies of the Conference Room

So, as usual, I celebrated my birthday for several weeks.  I mean, doesn't everyone?  As you know from a previous blog (and No you won't be tested), my birthday festivities actually started a week or so before my birthday with a cabin weekend with Lawrence and Rick.  Then on the actual day of my birth (41 years later), I had caramel cake at work in our windowless interior office (thanks Juniata!) and then dinner (and more cake) with Gerry and Mel later that evening.  The following weekend I traveled home to Asheville to celebrate some more and to attend Mom's miniature show at the folk art gallery.  Mom surprised me with a wonderful painting of Union Hall, Ireland.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE it so much.  And finally, this past weekend I traveled to Chicago to visit Darryl (whose birthday was in January) and we celebrated both of our birthdays with cupcakes (I will NOT disclose how many we ate).  Benji was out of town until Sunday. We also did a really cool activity at the Art Institute of Chicago.  Darryl texted me before I arrived in Chicago and told me he had a great activity for us to do - and that it involved nudity.  Ooookkaaayy, that sounds fabulous.  I knew it would not involve OUR nudity because neither me nor Darryl enjoys letting it all hang out for everyone to see.  He kept the activity a secret until I arrived.  I had all kinds of guesses ready - some crazy naked rollerskating strip club (my Mom helped with that guess), sumo wrestling (not us obviously), a massage, a Korean spa . . . .  I could not have been further from the truth!!  The naked activity was a group scavenger hunt at the Art Institute of Chicago. The questions mostly related (in some way or another) to the various paintings and sculptures featuring nudity!!  Except for our first questions which related to a painting about chickens ........I can't quite figure out the connection there.  We did not win first place but we had a blast!!  It was great exercise and a great way to enjoy the art museum (although Darryl would yell at me if I tried to admire a painting that was not on our hunt - so competitive!!).  So, My birthday celebrations are now over.  I am official 41 and am no longer celebrating . . . . for obvious reasons.

Also, I know I have cried wolf many times regarding the "imminent completion" of my current gig, but it has finally happened.  We were told yesterday that this is our last week.  The Ladies of the Conference Room are being disbanded.  It was a great gig and I made some life-long friends.  I am even going to do some residential closings with Juniata!!  I don't know how soon another gig will come along, but I have high hopes that something exciting is right around the corner.  I will keep you posted - as usual.

My wonderful painting of Union Hall, Ireland
Thanks Mom!!!  Best. Birthday. Present. Ever!

Panoramic from Darryl/Benji's balcony.  First thing in the morning.

Birthday dinner with Darryl!!

Birthday cake and cupcakes.  We also had a to-go box
of cupcakes . . . . and that's all I'll say about that...

 

I had to borrow Benji's puffy coat.  It was COLD outside!!!
I loved it!

Where our naked activity went down !!

Bathroom Instructions Gallery. . . . for the mentally and hygienically challenged

So, I was really just wondering if corporate restrooms for men typically house a gallery of snippy notes on how to properly behave while in the restroom?  I will admit that women can be a bit more snippy at times (and trust me, that is not always the case because I know some snippy men) but apparently other women's poor behavior in the loo is not something that can go unchecked in the corporate world.  I was just wondering if the same was the case in the men's restroom.  Do y'all have notes scattered around that say "PLEASE DON'T PEE ON THE FLOOR.  THAT'S NOT FAIR TO THE REST OF US MEN"  or perhaps "DON'T MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH OTHER MEN WHILE STANDING AT THE URINAL.  THAT'S JUST NOT POLITE" or maybe even "PLEASE TAKE YOUR NEWSPAPER WITH YOU WHEN EXITING THE STALL.  OTHER MEN DO NOT WANT TO TOUCH A PAPER YOU READ WHILST TAKING A SHIT."  No?  This doesn't happen in men's restrooms?  Well it sure as hell happens in women's restrooms.  And I can't even complain too much because I will admit that when I see something nasty in the restroom I too want to write a note - - - - - and I may or may not have composed one of the notes below, but mine was neither snippy nor condescending - it was just matter of fact.  And quite frankly - it needed to be said.  Please enjoy the gallery of notes that adorn the corporate women's restroom where I currently work.  And YES these are all in the same room.



I'm not sure if a woman has ever "lifted the seat" to pee.  There are nasty
things under that seat.  But I am also amazed when women do feel the need to hover
over the seat in a corporate bathroom.  The corporate bathroom is cleaned
daily by housekeeping who wear white shirts and black vests.  They do a wonderful job. 
I understand hovering over the seat in a nasty gas station bathroom, but in a nice corporate
bathroom where seat protectors are provided and it gets cleaned every day?  That's just
paranoia ladies!!!!  Sit your arses down and stop peeing on the seat like men!!!

And just so you know, when a woman says "Thanks so much" in such a note - it really means
"For Fuck Sake"



This note actually seems like someone is BEGGING, PLEADING WITH US to flush twice.
The fact that we don't already KNOW to flush twice when we see a "floater"
is somewhat ridiculous.  I for one always check to see if I need a re-flush -
regardless of whether or not I am formally instructed to do so. 

Here, the flowery "Thank You" actually means "You Dumb Shit!"



This sign is appropriate - because it alerts us women to a
change in protocol.  You see, in most public women's restrooms, you CAN dispose of your
sanitary product in the discrete trash can provided in the actual stall. 
However, here, for some God-awful reason, we have to grab a bag out - and then
carry our used sanitary products out to the common area (in front of everyone) and toss them
in the main trash can.  I don't like this process, but I know how to follow instructions. 
Some people, obviously don't

I will admit - this is the note I made.  Which is a bold move by a contractor - I must say. 
But I did it early in the morning and waited until no one was looking. 
It wasn't until a week after I started noticing that some women weren't following instructions
before my God-given "don't let a woman get away with this - must leave a note" instinct kicked in. 
My reminder was short and sweet.  I don't think it was snippy at all. 
Just a "gentle reminder" if you will. 

 

This new step-by-step tutorial (with helpful pictures and strategic highlighting) was placed
in the restroom several days following my "THIS IS NOT A TRASH CAN" note.  I guess
this particular woman felt like mine was neither strong nor snippy enough to really get the job done.
I particularly like the red highlighted "(HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART).  Well played corporate
woman.  Well played.

Here, the "Your Assistance is Greatly Appreciated" actually means "If you don't stop putting
your nasty ass used tampons in this compartment we will find you and make you eat them."

I suppose this note trumps my note and that my note can now be removed, but currently
both notes remain in the stall.



Housekeeping was also annoyed that we corporate women could not
following simple instructions so they refused to clean the unauthorized
rubbish and used sanitary products from the bag compartment. 
Therefore necessitating a note to housekeeping. My guess here is that the typed
portion of this note and the handwritten portion were done by two separate
women.  The handwriting woman obviously felt the need to accentuate
this letter - with additional snippiness.

So there you have it.  A walk through the gallery of snippy and "you are stupid as hell" notes placed throughout the corporate women's restroom.  I do hope you enjoyed it.

Have a great weekend y'all

Say WHAT?!?!?!?!

Juniata is late this morning. She has a physical therapy appointment so I am in our windowless interior office all by myself.  My phone rings and I see "Juniata" on the display screen.  I answer and she says "Hey, what have you heard about the tornado."  "Say WHAT?" I said.  "Yeah, the receptionist at my physical therapist's office said there's a tornado headed for Fulton Street downtown.  I'm trying to decide whether I want to come down there or just go home."  "OH.  HELL.  NO."  I said.  "I am NOT going down with this ship!!!  "This is NOT the place I want to spend my last moments."  I then said "Well, I haven't heard any sirens or anything.  I'll google it."  If anyone can tell me whether a tornado is headed my way it's google.  I then googled it and it said a tornado could be headed to everyone's way in Georgia today - until 4pm.  Swell.  You know, I had a tornado follow me to work one time in Asheville when I was teaching pre-school.  Fifteen minutes after I walked in the door at the school a parent came in complaining about the road being out and her having to take an alternative route.  I was like " but I just went down that road" and she was all like "well, now it's covered with downed trees."  Huh.  So, maybe the tornadoes aren't out to get me since they let me pass by once before.  I'll keep my fingers crossed.  I emailed Lawrence too - he has a window in his office and can see the outside world.  I know he's in midtown and not downtown, but he probably has a pretty clear view of the city and can give me some warning if I am about to be sucked out of my temporary tower.  Anyway, I wish you all luck - this weather is balls crazy and weirdness can hit at anytime.  Stay safe and keep your eyes open!!  And please, if you have a window, let me know if a twister is headed my way!!!

On a different note, I had a lovely pre-birthday weekend with Lawrence and Rick this past weekend at the cabin.  Lawrence made me yummy chocolate chip cookies with frosting and ice cream and fish tacos - two of my favorites!!!  We relaxed, checked out a new restaurant in Mentone and played Yahtzee!!  I had a blast! 

UPDATE:  I put out an all-call to my friends with windows in down/midtown to keep me posted on our impending doom.  They all agreed to keep me apprised of the sitch.  Jenny tells me the airport has been closed.  Oh lawd get me out of here!!!

Up Up and Away!!!

Remember when I started this blog and it was partly about fitness (well, sort of).  Well, thanks to Lawrence, I actually did some fitness this weekend!!  Back a month or so ago I got a text from Lawrence that said "I got us a Groupon to do a beginners rock climbing class."  With frown firmly in place I responded "and by 'US' you mean????????  "You and me" - he said.  I couldn't even imagine why he would do such a thing.  I had half a mind to email back and say "Great!!  What a coincidence, I got us a Groupon for a beginners pole dancing class."  Actually, I still  might do that, so watch out Lawrence.  Anyway, I put off the inevitable climbing event until I was sure the Groupon had expired.   Knowing my friend like I do, I should have known that Lawrence would be the last person on earth to let a coupon to expire.   So Sunday I didn't have anywhere to run and we went rock climbing!!  I did a climbing wall about 20 years ago with Olivia and I remembered it kicking my ass so I was going in with very low expectations for myself.  But I was going to do it.  I wasn't backing out.  Given my hissyfit the night before, I think Lawrence was worried that I was going to back out.  I did WAY better than I thought I would do.  I completed 3 full walls and my arms didn't give out until almost the top of the 4th wall.  We had a great group of beginners sharing the experience with us. Everyone was very nice and supportive.  And even though I am sore as all get out, I enjoyed the experience and am glad I did it!!!  Don't know if I will do it again anytime soon. . . . . . . . but it was fun.  Here are a few pics.



Before the class (when I could still use my arm to take the photo)



So much confidence!!!  He can't wait to get inside.



Getting some cold feet!

 

Go Lawrence, Go!!!



Not a very flattering shot of the ole body, but hey - that's my body
and I climbed that damn wall so I am including the shot!!  Sometimes you just
have to embrace who you are.  It ain't always an easy thing to do.
Normally I would have just included the shot of Lawrence's skinny
arse climbing up the wall.
I am Gone With the Wind Fabulous baby (that won't
make sense to you unless you watch the Atlanta Housewives).



I'm Gonna Need You To Get Your Supervisor To Come Down Here

So Juniata and I were terminated.  At least that's what the computer said when we got to work yesterday.  I didn't think anything of it when my badge would not let me up to my floor.  I just piggy-backed off of someone else in the elevator going to my floor.  I just figured my badge wasn't feeling well or some such, so I let the paralegal in charge of our project know that my badge didn't work this morning - she said she would report it - and away I went.  An hour later I get an frustrated call from Juniata.  She couldn't find a single parking space in our outside parking lot (did I ever tell you that they raised the ban on Contractors parking in that lot?  Well, they did.  We are welcome back in the lot.  I feel all warm and fuzzy).  She wondered if that had ever happened to me and what she should do.  I had no clue, but suggested she go to the inside lot and ask if she could park there.  She said "This is a sign that I should just go on home.  It's going to be a bad day, I can just tell."  I went on about my business figuring she would eventually find a place to park . . . or that she would just go on home.  Anyway, I left our desk (oh, did I tell you that they moved us out of Conference Room C???  YES, it is a travesty!!!  We are both crammed into a small interior office now - me behind the desk and Juniata on the opposite side of the desk.  Juniata insisted I take the "behind the desk" spot since I am here more.  Regardless of where they put us, we will always be the "Ladies of the Conference Room"  - "Ladies of the Interior Office" just doesn't have a great ring to it).  Where was I, Oh yeah, I left our desk for a brief moment to grab some water and when I got back I noticed another missed call from Juniata.  I started to think "uh oh, maybe I should tell her my badge didn't work to get me up here in case hers does the same thing."  She was already in a suspicious mood and she would not be happy with me if I didn't warn her of potential additional morning annoyances.  Anyway, I tried to call her back.  She didn't answer.  So, I texted her "hey, my badge didn't work today - I just rode up with someone else."  She texted me back and said her badge wasn't working either and what should she do.  I said to see if security would buzz her up.  Next text said "they are telling me I need my supervisor to come down."  I ran to our supervisor's office and let her know that our badges weren't working and that she was needed at the security desk.  When Juniata finally entered our office - with a look on her face I won't describe - she gave me the full story.  Apparently when she went to ask the security desk to buzz her up, they took her badge and scanned it with something.  Juniata said the security lady looked at the computer screen and then slowly looked back up at Juniata and said "I'm gonna need you to get your supervisor to come down here."  When Juniata reached for her badge the security lady wouldn't give it back.  Juniata said "You gonna keep that?" The security officer responded "Yes, ma'am."  When our supervisor got down to the security desk the security officer said "Could you step over here for a minute."  She actually pulled her away from Juniata so she couldn't hear!!!!  Well, Juniata was straining her best to hear and all she could make out was our supervisor saying "But I'm her supervisor, I know she has not been terminated."  So apparently when the security officer scanned Juniata's badge - a big fat "TERMINATED" (probably in all caps and in bright red) came up on the screen.  In the security officer's mind, she was having herself a full blown sensitive situation.  She assumed that all hell was going to break loose if she told Juniata she had been terminated (maybe was even a little bit scared given the look on Juniata's face) so she needed to get the supervisor down there stat to explain to this poor employee trying to access the floor that she was no longer employed. Anyway, it was all straightened out - they didn't throw Juniata out on her ear - the security officer avoided a super sensitive situation - and our supervisor was allowed to take Juniata up to our very secure floor.  We now have our badge situation worked out.  We have not been terminated . . . .at least not yet.  Of course Juniata was annoyed that I was able to avoid the Inquisition - but hey, it just wasn't her day.  She should have just gone on home when she couldn't find a parking space.

Grab Your Fascinators Ladies - It's New Year's Eve in Rosscarbery

So, I am now back home in Atlanta.  Boooo Hooooo!  No, seriously, I am happy to be home in my own space and Earl the Cat is thrilled to have me back.  He hasn't left my side since I stepped in the door.  I intended to do one last blog from my Dublin hotel, but I was just too pooped after my four hour drive.  I dropped off the rental car, caught the shuttle to the Hilton, had one last fish and chips dinner at the hotel restaurant and then jumped in the bed. 

Now for the last couple of days in Cork....

We celebrated New Year's Eve - or Hogmanay, as Trace would call it since she is Scottish - at Trace's house in Rosscarbery.  Pam and I had purchased discounted Christmas ornaments the day before and we made them into Fascinators for each of the ladies!!!!!  We were fierce and fabulous in our homemade Fascinators!!  Everyone loved them!!!  While we waited for midnight, we played a game of Cranium.  I learned quite quickly that if you purchase your Cranium game in Europe, you have European clues and questions, which made it quite challenging for the Americans in the room.  I also learned that when you play board games with a 40+ crowd (of which I am a member, but I was the baby in the room) who have all forgotten their reading glasses it adds an additional challenge.  Trace had to dig out two old pairs of magnifying glasses to pass around every time it was someone's turn to read the questions.  A game that should have taken 90 minutes took us 3 hours!!!!   But Trace and I won!!!!  I never win board games!!!  Yay us!  At midnight, we banged pots and pans and then, in true Hogmanay tradition, held hands and sang Auld Lang Syne to the Scottish pipes.  After singing and toasting in the New Year, we all went outside to light one of those groovy lanterns that floats off into the sky.  Unfortunately, our lantern floated right into the nearest tree and started to catch on fire.  We all just stood there in shock waiting for the tree to catch fire too - unsure of what to do.  That's when Ger decided to climb the tree and save the day!!!!  Yay Ger!!!!  Most of the guests left around 4:30am, but Pamela and I spent the night.  Pam and I aren't known for staying up late so we spent the whole week before conditioning our bodies to stay up late!!!  We knew if we pooped out early Trace was going to kill us!  Thanks to our "stay up late training" we were able to stay up until 5:30am.  I can't even remember the last time I stayed up that late????  College maybe?  I was so tired by the time we finally went to bed I was shaky!!!  It will probably be another 20 years until I stay up that late again!

On my last night in Union Hall we went over to our friend Jean's house for drinks and desserts (more mince pies!).  We didn't get home until after midnight!  I have posted a few last pictures of my trip below!!!!  All in all I had a very lazy and relaxing trip.  I didn't do a lot of sight seeing or traveling around - except for traveling back and forth between dinner parties and gatherings.  It was perfect!



Boxing Day dinner party - Yes, the balloon Gillian
is holding is really quite phallic - Trace was modeling
balloons into a hat for one of the kids and couldn't get that
particular balloon to cooperate so she just handed it
off to Gillian - I couldn't resist taking a picture!



My hat!!  I used the phallic balloon as my sword (naturally)!
I was a Viking!



Fish and Chips at Moloney's Pub



Beautiful scene from Tragumna, Ireland



Me at Tragumna



Tragumna



Gorgeous sunny day in Union Hall



New Year's Eve with Gillian
(fab Fascinators on our heads)



The ladies wearing our Fascinators



The gang on NYE



Pam and Dennis on NYE



Lighting of the lantern



Lighting of the lantern
(Trace's Fascinator is looking lovely against the lantern)



Lantern goes in the tree



Ger climbing up the tree to get the lantern



After everyone else went home!!!!!



Christmas in Cork

I hope everyone had a wonderful and happy Christmas!!!!

Last Saturday was a lazy day in West Cork.  I hung out at the Coffee Shop with Carol and had a delightful lunch of veggie quiche and tomato bisque.  Yum yum yum.  I also took a quick walk down to the harbor and enjoyed the weather while it wasn’t raining.  The weather has actually been quite mild – some clear (even sunny) weather each day before the rain sets in.  Sunday evening we cooked Union Hall cod and veggies at home before heading over to O’Donovan’s Hotel in Clonakilty to see a wonderful West Cork all-female band called Ré Nua (which means “New Age” in Irish).  Check out their website if you have a sec:   www.renuamusic.com -  they play a blend of Irish, country, folk music with a touch of classical. They are really very good and one of the singers actually directs the Clonakilty choir Pam is a member of called “Allegria.”  At the end of the Ré Nua performance, Allegria went up on stage and sang two Christmas songs with them.  The whole evening was delightful – and involved lots of wine (yum!!!) and mince pies (bleh!!!).  That’s funny because every Thanksgiving and Chrismukkah Mom makes Dad his mince pies and no one else will tough them (well, except Bob).  Here, mince pie is the official Christmas pie.  They are everywhere!

Monday night I headed to my friend Trace’s out in Rosscarbery.  I made it all the way there by myself in the dark (with no wrong turns!!) in my little marshmallow of a rental car.  I didn’t even use my GPS!!!  Just directions Dennis gave me.  Those of you who know me know that’s pretty amazing!!  Anyway, her friend Gillian was having man trouble so the three of us spent Christmas Eve and Christmas together, drinking wine, eating Union Hall smoked salmon and cheese/honey.  We even roasted chestnuts on an open fire!!  Trace is an artist as well (in fact you can’t shake a stick in West Cork without hitting an artist) and made me a lovely painted canvas for Christmas.  She also gave me an adorable tea cup with a poppy on it!!!!  Everyone knows how much I love the poppies.  All the gals loved the painted ornaments I made for them as well (a knock off of Mom’s design – of course).  For Christmas dinner we went over to Trace’s friend’s Irish cottage and had roasted spuds, brussel sprouts, and my contribution…… kugel (Jewish dish), which everyone loved!!!!!  They also had turkey and duck, but obviously I didn’t eat any of that.  Afterwards we had Christmas Pudding with custard and cream!!!!  I didn’t mind the Christmas Pudding – it was kind of spicy fruity cake made with brandy or rum.  It’s hasn’t become my favorite new dessert or anything, but it was pretty tasty.  The day after Christmas – St. Stephen’s Day/Boxing Day – we went to another friend’s house – one of the local organic farmers – in another wonderful old Irish cottage – and had more wine and more food.  By this point I guess you are sensing a theme. . eat . . drink. . .eat .

I have had high hopes of walking all over the place – getting some good exercise, but it’s really just been a lazy holiday so far.  Mostly we’ve just been sitting around gabbing and catching up.  It has been wonderful!!!!  I have posted a few pictures below. 

Mince tarts!!!  Dad's mouth is watering.

Pam and Me at her gig

Pam and Dennis

Pam, Dennis and Me

 

Re Nua

Re Nua and Allegria in the background

Great little craft co-op - I bought a lovely ornament here

Trace's house - decorated for Christmas

Union Hall smoked salmon

My rental car marshmallow

Christmas day at Trace's - gorgeous weather!!!

Dinner in a proper Irish cottage!!

Christmas Pudding