Not sure if I have mentioned this to y'all, but we lost a Lady of the Conference Room a couple weeks ago. Tanya left us to go do some permanent contract work with a former partner of hers (although this gig - now six months in - is looking pretty permanent to me). We assumed that this gig would be coming to an end soon so we figured they would just leave it at 3 and not replace Tanya. Well, I was wrong. We have a new Lady of the Conference Room now - she joined us on Tuesday of this week. She is still on "Conference Room C Probation" right now (well, in our minds anyway) - but is quickly catching on to the mindset and culture of CR-C. A conservative, snooty person would really put a kink in our hose so to say - because we really enjoy speaking our mind in CR-C - whether that means talking about the poop stall, a date Clare went on (with vivid details) or whatever. We knew she would fit in just fine when she explained to us that she was getting inappropriate texts from unknown men on the weekends. She reckons that someone is giving out her number as their "fake number" or something because for the past few weekends various men have texted her a picture of their penis - as if she knows them and would enjoy having such a picture. We giggled about it for a while when she finally said - "I mean I still have them if you want to see." Reading between the lines - her tone said "I can't imagine you would, but if you want to see." We all looked at her simultaneously and said "Well, YEAH we want to see!!!!" annoyed that she didn't mentioned this earlier. The pictures were indeed quite hilarious!!! What's most hilarious is that a man would EVER think we wanted a picture of their penis. No offense men, but a penis is not much to look at. And we certainly don't want to see a stand-alone penis without seeing the face and rest of the body. Most women would rather see the full package - and even then we still kinda cringe when the penis is exposed. We like everything leading up to and around the penis - but the penis itself . . . .we would rather that be kept under wraps. It's kind of like a scary movie (the suspense thriller kind - not the carve em up bloody kind) where you know something is lurking around the corner about to jump out at you so you are on the edge of your seat . . . excited yet horrified about what lurks around the corner and you end up turning away and closing your eyes at the last minute. That's how we feel about the penis. I know I don't speak for all women - just 99%. One of the penis pictures Jenny had (Oh, her name is Jenny) was taken by the dude while he was standing over the toilet - so it was a down shot of the penis and below the penis was the toilet. Let me just tell you, if the day comes that I ever wanted to see a picture of your penis (and I'm using the royal "your" of course - not any particular "member" of this blog - so please don't start sending me pics of your junk) - and I don't anticipate that day ever coming - I would prefer that the penis not be hovering over the shitter, but that's just me. Oh, and just so you know men - if you send a woman a picture of your junk (and I know none of the men on this blog would do such a thing) - and I am talking about sending a woman you don't really know that well a picture of your junk, as opposed to a long standing girlfriend or your wife (that's a different story) the woman you send the picture to will show it to ALL of her friends. And they will all cringe when first looking at it and then break off into a fit of giggles. I'm thinking that is not the result you will be hoping for. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the penis - so don't get a complex about it - I'm just saying that women don't view the standing alone penis as this awesome thing worthy of being captured on film. We view YOU the man as awesome and admire and appreciate the body that goes along with you. Send us all the pictures you want of you with your shirt off cuddling puppies or a picture of you playing with your niece or nephew and you will have sent us two of most powerful pictures you can send to a woman. A picture of your penis - unless it is WAY out of the norm (and even that might not get the result you were hoping for as you may never hear from us again) will just result in cringes and giggles. Those of you who are in committed relationships and have been since all things internet and/or texting took over the world - count your blessings. You would be surprised how common it is for the modern man to court you by sending you photos of his manhood as if you need to view the merchandise before you purchase. Guess what, we don't!!!!!!
I have pasted Jenny's penis pictures below . . . . .. .JUST KIDDING!!!!! Admit it, you were mortified at the thought.
Now for a County Road 642 (Mentone, AL) rubbish montage - from my walk last weekend:
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| A Care Bear (I think this is "Cheer Bear" actually) - He's not looking so cheerful here - looks like he has been assassinated and left to be picked apart by wild animals - looks like no one's biting. |
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| Vertebrae (not sure if it.s vertebrae or vertebra - never gave it much thought till now) I know this is not necessarily "rubbish" but I had to include it because it's not every day you see vertebrae on your walk - we see it a lot on CR 642 |
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| A nail cupcake - that's the only way I can describe this bit of rubbish. It is all nails and held together with tar or something. What is this?? Do you know? |
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| Another shot of the nail cupcake. It is really shapped like a cupcake. I always said I never met a cupcake I didn't like - until now. |
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| Old moonshine jars - I mean, don't you think? |
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| Hpyodermic needle - there were several of these scattered about |
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| A redneck molotov coctail. I say "redneck" because it's in a plastic bottle - which sort of defeats the purpose. I initially thought some sort of bong, but it's filled with paper and looks like the spout was burnt. You decide. |
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| Redneck molotov coctail from a different angle |
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| No redneck rubbish montage would be complete without a discarded bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. Obviously. |
Ciao for now!
Amy
1 - YES, you are 100% correct about the redneck trash propensity. I don't know why, but I can verify this. When I had property in rural NC it was perpetually getting littered with crap. When I hiked through rural Appalachia (Redneck Nation), I was always surprised by it - including a pile of 11 rotting deer carcasses, old blankets, and bottles and cigarette packs. It shocked the hell out of me because these are hunters (which I would assume have some appreciation for nature) and all Hell Yeah America. You'd think they'd want to show their pride, but they don't behave in a way that suggests that to me. My theory is they are really more motivated to leave their mark (I guess it beats being a small fish in a small pond with small hopes), and this is the only way they've got to prove they've got sway in the world. Whatever the reason, I find it pretty sad.
ReplyDelete2 - Yes, to the men of the world: We want to know you have a penis. There are other ways of proving it.
Thanks Amy. You just made me delete the 450 or so pictures I've take of my penis while standing over a toilet.
ReplyDelete@Deborah - Perhaps in addition to doing your book on the AT you can put together a coffee table book on Redneck Rubbish. I can see that being a best seller. The book can even be all nasty like it was left on the side of the road in the rain for days and days.
ReplyDelete@Andrew - Glad I caught you before you delivered any of those penis over shitter shots. Never a good idea. I'm so glad to have been able to help you see the light!!!
On second thought. Can I get this Jenny's number I have a few pictures I want to send
ReplyDelete