I WROTE THIS BLOG LAST WEEK, BUT KEPT FORGETTING TO POST IT - SO - READ ON.
So this has been a week for repeats. The gnats are back in full force (the "Death Mugs" are doing the trick - slowly but surely) and Contractor Jenny is once again getting random texts in the middle of the night with penis pictures. She got two last night at 3am - one right after the other - two totally different penises. One of the guys realized right away (not sure how) that he had the wrong number and texted back saying "wrong number," to which Jenny replied "yes, it is," and he said "my apologies." Have you ever had to apologize for sending a photo of your genitals to the wrong person? Or to the right person, for that matter? Do they make a Hallmark card for such an occasion? Well, this morning we made Jenny send "apology penis guy" another text (she was apprehensive about this, but we insisted). The conversation went something like this:
Jenny: "Hi, I get a lot of these types of texts and I was wondering if you would let me know where you got my number"? We waited a long time for his response, but he was the only one to ever apologize for misdirecting his penis so we had high hopes that he would respond.
finally, a response. . . . .
Apology Penis Guy: "My bad. I see your interests lie elsewhere." How does he know that her interests lie elsewhere?? Is it because she didn't immediately responded "SOLD!" or "I'll take me some of that!" or "Yes, please."
Jenny: "Well, did you just randomly text me a picture of your penis or did you get my number from somewhere? I am just curious because I get texts like this a lot and I want to make sure my number is not out there somewhere." The response we were looking for with this line of questioning, obviously, was "I saw your number on the bathroom wall of Suckey's Tavern." In that case, we would have grabbed an eraser or some whiteout from the supply closet and taken a field trip to handle the sitch tout suite.
She got no more responses from Apology Penis Guy. We can only assume that admitting where he got the number could link him to some criminal activity. So then we told her to send a text to the other penis guy.
Jenny: "Hi, I was just curious about how you got my number."
Other Penis Guy: "Why, are you interested?"
Jenny: NO!
She left it at that. I would have responded "Yes, I am interested in how you got my number. I am NOT, however, interested in your penis." She started to get worried that interacting with these penis perpetrators would cause trouble for her in the long run so we supported her decision to cease the penis inquisition. We have still not gotten to the bottom of her penis situation. I mean where are they getting her number??? Is it not really her number, but a few are transposing the numbers so only a few of what could be hundreds of penis photos are making their way to her phone?? It's such a mystery. They all come in at like 3am and there are typically at least two different models (penis models of course) - and yes, one of the current penis photos was in the bathroom with the lovely toilet highlighted in the background. At least this one wasn't dangling over the toilet. Anyway, so Jenny decided to google her number. Nothing. Then she tried to look at the personals on Craig's List to see if she could find her number there. After she opened the first ad, which opened with "WANNA F_ _ _?" she realized she probably shouldn't be looking at personal ads on her work computer. I'm thinking she's probably right about that.
Jenny got another call the next night - 3am as usual- this time her husband responded to the text and scared the living bejeesus out of the poor fella. Now I'm feeling sorry for the penis perpetrators - I was hoping it wouldn't come to that. He said "Who is this? You just sent a picture of your penis to my twelve year old daughter." Poor penis dude freaked out, apologizing profusely and promising that he will never do it again. He said he was in a chat room and the "woman" he was chatting with "insisted" that he send pictures. Hopefully young penis fella has learned his lesson (doubtful). Don't send your penis out into the cyber world - you never know where it might land. Unfortunately, we don't know what chat room he was visiting, so the investigation will continue - - - - - as will the penis pics probably.
That was a long penis blog. Ciao for now.
Amy
No comments:
Post a Comment